I was emotionally numb for many years. When my father died the grief broke through the wall I had blocking emotions. I have been in therapy with my psychiatrist since then 30 months so far. We have a strong relationship with well established trust and safety.
He explained today that unresolved issues and unexpressed anger have led to protracted grief. I am unable to cry which he explained is because if I cry I will feel the anger I never let out. The therapy had to start with me learning to identify what I was feeling. Anger has been by far the most difficult. I grew up in the under emotional house where the silent treatment was used and I was shamed for expressing emotion. I hope anyone reading this who is considering therapy takes that step. It will help you understand yourself better than you thought you ever could.
I thought I was weak for needing help at first…. It takes courage and strength to start and stay in therapy but worth it. So super useful. Good for you for being so courageous. Unfortunately, we live in the same house. It feels as though we hardly ever see eye to eye on anything. When she is angry, she can be passive aggressive or overly bossy, or the worst is when she tends to blow up or make snide, nasty comments about my things or actions.
And I find that I am unable to move or speak, let alone defend myself against the onslaught. And any time I do attempt to stand up to her, she ends up throwing it back in my face and we get into a big shouting match, that she usually wins. I just want to know how to deal with this and how to deal with her in a much more healthy way before my health deteriorates even more than it has, because moving away is currently not an option. How do I let her know that she is deeply hurting me emotionally without sounding like a whining child?
How do I get her to listen? CR, what you are talking about is patterns of communicating and behaving that have been built over a life time. Why is that? Are you too young? Or disabled in some way that means you need care? Otherwise, have you sat down and made a very concise list of every single thing that would have to be done to mean you could move out? And started to find the support to make a small step in that direction each day? Or we are missing another perspective. It takes time for therapy to work, you need to develop trust with the counsellor.
We would highly suggest therapy as this sort of unhealthy relating and troubled mother relationship causes deep patterns that affect all areas of our life, but if money is an issue and a life coach is a cheaper option he or she could at least help you figure out the blocks to moving out and how to overcome them. Hope that helps. The therapist had met her and confirmed this….. And thank you for the feedback on the article, we are very committed to our outreach and we are always honoured to hear it has had an effect.
We wish you well on the journey. Thank you for your article. My repressed anger prompts me to cry, almost at the drop of a hat, on certain triggers occasions, like when my emotional or physical safety seems threatened. It comes from many years of childhood emotional neglect where my emotional needs were not validated, acknowledged, or able to be expressed. My parents, my ex-husband, my child. They sense that this is a way of controlling me, I guess. How can I help myself to heal from all this repressed anger? Are there any good books that you could recommend about dealing with repressed anger?
Thank you for your suggestions. Hi Laurie, thanks for sharing this. It sounds like there is a lot going on here. Not feeling supported, feeling like everyone is against you, intellectually understanding it but not actually seeing much progress. Have you considered therapy? It certainly sounds like there is more than enough reason to work with a therapist. And working with a therapist would get you away from an intellectual understanding and into an emotional processing of your experience, which is where the healing happens. When i read some people bad situations, it aloows me to remember what life for me used to be like before progressing to this total lack of intimacy woth myself and others and lack of authenticity that is so extreme i feel like a fringe dweller.
Like the only relationships that would work for me are the ones in which there is a trade going on. Something debased. Im struggling with this currently. I am 27 years old female living in a nursing home. I think I have been in codependent abusive relationships for eight years I never wanted to be in on the back of my moms rage and disapproval with no foreseeable solution bc she doesnt really care that I have closure about our issues.
She just threatened me all the time in a way that made me fear for my life like knowing i only worked one part time job telling me i needed to move out in two weeks and i had no one to ask just because i did something alledfedly that made her mad that was not something she ever wanted to deal with.. And i didnt know about mental homes or other living facilities. After 12 years of her abuse I have ptsd, no sense of self bc i am so repressed and a doormat. I dont feel good about anything bc I am making every decision automatically without thinking saying what I think in my loneliness, other people wanna hear.
Im so dry its amazing people are only just noticing. I cant get past hello bc it makes me panic. My resting bitch face looks like plastered disdain bc i cant be angry god forbid at people i dont even know. Idk how or why life became this way. This article is helpful though. Im jist starting therapy in my life this year. Next week. Margaret we are really glad to hear you about to start therapy. Good for you for taking that big step. Be patient with it at first, it takes time to start to see results and at first can feel strange.
But it will definitely help you look at all of this. You need to find yourself. The you behind the anger and the sadness and the sense of rejection. Because that you is there. Therapy will help you learn how to relate to others in ways that mean you can be this real you but also take care of this real you. We wish you courage with it all! I got a question that needs an answer? My mother was told by the doctors that I need a Dad. Growing up I felt alone.
I have trouble making friends an relationship because I feel something missing inside me. I go around looking for something in people in their faces and still feel lost inside? At around 40 years of age, I found my Father, and realized that my mother was right.
Now, both of my parents are dead but I still have problems.
Is Repressed Anger the Real Reason Your Life Feels Stuck? - Harley Therapy™ Blog
I have never been happy my life…. I have trouble telling the difference between like and love? Until One day I saw another boy ….. He look better than me. It kind of stuck me as odd. Or maybe I not that good looking at all? When I look at someone, I can see all their faults, What they are about? And yet inside I know how wonderful It is being me, kind, always helpful, caring but showing no emotions.
It hard for people to understand why a good looking guy is so sad and all alone?? Is there any way to discover what my problem is? I have been at therapy before and talk and talk? I know the problem has something to do with love? I seem to have a conflict of emotions going inside me. Can you please me help me see the light? I know that action is require on my part? Mark, if we could help anyone over just a comment, and in a few lines, god knows we would. Sadly we are only people like you, and problems like this take a lifetime to create so nobody can come along and snap fingers and fix it.
That said, this is far from a hopeless situation. When we read this what becomes really apparent is that you are really, really lonely. Starved for connection, even. And wanting someone to come along and care. Does that ring true? Well there is nobody out there who can save you except that person looking at you in the mirror — You. But you CAN fix this situation.
We truly believe that. We are terribly sorry to hear that you were just thrown on meds, we assume you are in America where this is sadly all too common. It also sounds like you had some pretty crap therapy. Unfortunately there are a lot of terrible therapists out there and the other thing is that all types of therapy are not for all people! You end up feeling worse. What would be a great idea would be to work towards getting stable and being able to actually have some good thoughts. So yes, we would recommend therapy, but not a kind where you talk about your past, but a short term kind that focuses on the here and now and helps you gain control over your negative, self attacking thoughts.
Try to find a therapist who you feel comfortable around. We hope that helps. Again, if we could help more, we would. Grew up in house just like one described. A lot of unproductive arguments and sporadic physical violence between parents. Parents divorced at 16, lived with mother and managed her feelings as she became quite alcohol dependent. Life kind of fell apart and started using drugs and alcohol quite heavily. Developed a pornography addiction which I still have at Have been bullied all my life and cannot get angry about it!!! She encourages me to express them but I find it difficult and she can only deal with small amounts at a time.
I have had two therapists, saw both for a year each and neither identified repressed anger as an area I should work on. Thanks for the post. Reading Sue Gerhardt and Paul GIlbert got me looking at repressed anger as something to be addressed. Any more recommended authors? Hi William, thanks for sharing all this!
Living with anxiety: Britain's silent epidemic
But you sound really self aware and brave, and we agree that going back to therapy and being really up front that you want to work on anger sounds a great plan. Hi There, Thank you for this blog. I have found it very illuminating. I look forward to your reply. Then I wonder: Where did I put my keys? And so begins the minute panicked reconnaissance mission for the keys I swore were on the coffee table.
I start to feel flustered and irritable as I frantically search. My memory gets foggy as my heart starts to pound and my palms sweat. Technically, anxiety is apprehension over an upcoming event. Note: If you feel like you might be dealing with a serious anxiety disorder, please talk to a medical professional about treatment. There are lots of options available to manage your symptoms. Get enough sleep. Inconsistent sleep can have some serious consequences. Not only does it affect our physical health, but lack of sleep can also contribute to overall anxiety and stress. And sometimes it turns into a vicious cycle, since anxiety often leads to disruptions in sleep Sleep and anxiety disorders.
Mellman, T. Especially when feeling anxious, try to schedule a full seven to nine hours of snooze time and see what a few nights of sweet slumber do for those anxiety levels throughout the day. Research suggests that laughter can reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, so consider checking out a funny YouTube clip to calm those jittery nerves. De-clutter the brain. A messy workspace can make it more difficult to relax and make it seem like our work is never-ending. So take 15 minutes or so to tidy up the living space or work area, and then make a habit of keeping things clean and anxiety-free.
Express gratitude. Ng, M.
3 Tips to Manage Stress
Journal of Health Psychology Mar Start a gratitude journal to get in the mindset of appreciation, and out of the mindset of being overwhelmed. Eat right. Anxiety can throw our bodies totally out of whack: Our appetite might change , or we might crave certain foods. But to give the body the support it needs, try eating more of foods that contain nutrients such as vitamin B and omega-3s , plus some healthy whole-grain carbohydrates. Studies have linked vitamin B with good mental health, and omega-3s may help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Proceedings of the National Academy of Science Sep 30; 20 Learn to breathe. A useful tool to prevent panic attacks, the breath is also a great marker of where your anxiety level is at throughout the day. Short, shallow breaths signify stress and anxiety in the brain and body. Meuret, A. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology Oct;78 5 By now most of us have heard that meditation is relaxing, but what scientists are also discovering is that meditation actually increases the amount of grey matter in the brain, essentially rewiring the body to stress less.
A number of recent studies highlight the positive effects of meditation on anxiety, mood, and stress symptoms Complementary medicine, exercise, meditation, diet, and lifestyle modification for anxiety disorders: a review of current evidence. Sarris, J. Evidence-Based Complementary Alternative Medicine ; Mindfulness-based stress reduction, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, and Zen meditation for depression, anxiety, pain, and psychological distress. Marchand, W. George E. Journal of Psychiatric Practice Jul;18 4 Meditation is also a way to observe the brain, letting us figure out how our mind generates anxiety-provoking thoughts.
Create a vision board. If the future seems big and scary, try changing the thoughts about what lies ahead. Sometimes the mere act of setting concrete goals can take the edge off anxiety about future unknowns. Take an hour to produce a vision board that creates excitement about projects and possibilities to come. While making the board, try using the T. If not, dump the thought. Play around. Kids and animals seem to have an innate ability to play, without stressing about their overflowing inboxes.
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