Grief is a personal journey that lasts a lifetime. My grief is thief perpetually robbing me of precious moments with my Dad, leaving me fatherless with endless tears and heartache. My grief also provides me with valuable lessons in gratitude. My grief is showing me that we are resilient beings. Each connection, each friendship is now a part of me, making me a stronger person who knows how precious life is.
Let us all try to remember to be gentle with one another as we laugh, cry and move through life. I ask everyone to be gentle with those in mourning and understand that there is no time stamp on grieving the loss of a person of significance. Real Life. Real News. Real Voices. Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard.
News Politics Entertainment Communities. HuffPost Personal Videos Horoscopes. Part of Wellness. While I thought that time would make it easier, it does not. I have kept up a tradition we started many years ago hosting a Christmas Eve party, but each year I find it more difficult to decorate and plan. I am ready to end the holiday season and just go away for the month of December, return on January 1 when it is over. I lost my Granddad on 24th December my dad on 23rd December and this year I have just lost my husband on the 3rd of this month. So I shall be making the biggest effort yet to enjoy Christmas.
- Grief Support.
- Mourning the Death of a Spouse;
- Teenage Pregnancy - How to deal with it?
- Authoritarian Regimes in Latin America: Dictators, Despots, and Tyrants (Jaguar Books on Latin America).
The reason I say this is because when we lose people we not only grieve but we realise how tenuous is our and our beloved ones hold on life and with this in mind is seems to me we should not waste one single opportunity to enjoy our treasured moments with loved ones. Thank you for making this article. My best friend died December 11th and all holidays have sucked since.
New Years, Christmas and her anniversary are so close together it makes me feel dizzy. This article made me laugh and cry. My First Christmas, terrible. All my friends are out of high school and we are going to have a Christmas dinner party. Some of these friends never met her!
I planted a Christmas tree for her one year but someone removed it!! I even decorated it and stuffed an ornament with a letter for her! There will also be the annual memorial volleyball tournament for her at our old high school and since the immediate shock has finally settled down, I truly look forward to it and the little temporary tattoos with her initials on it! This is my first holiday without my beloved younger sister. Since our mother died, my sister and I always continued to share the holiday and make it meaningful. Now they are both gone, and I find myself dreading the holidays.
When my sister died only 6 months ago, all joy went out of my life. We have another sibling, however she chose not to be in our lives for the last six years, never even sending a holiday card, or acknowledging any of our attempts to reach out to her in all of that time. For those first few years, my younger sister and I often spoke of how healing it would be if all three siblings could celebrate the holidays, and share memories of our mother in happier times.
When it was evident there was no hope for that, my younger sister and I did our best to have a pleasant holiday anyway. She has a supportive husband who is there for her, and I am alone. This is the first time I will not celebrate holidays, because the best part of the holidays was having my sister and my mother to share them with. I believe my mother and sister are together, but I miss them so much, and wonder why I was left here to go on without them.
How different things are this year. Thank you for the suggestions. I understand your situation and feelings. When my mother passed away summer I also lost my core original family. My brother is very similar to your other distant sister. No contact, no Christmas cards, or if I get one it comes in March so that he fully demonstrates that I do not have the tiniest place or value in his life. Here are some of my coping methods and I pray that one helps you: 1. Create your own family. If you are up to it plan a slumber party, dine out, attend a concert or special event.
My Mom, in her orchestra seat, believed that he was speaking directly to her. I say a quick prayer for them and express appreciation and gratitude for them. I would never actually bother them. My prayer for their health, happiness and gratitude for their lives lifts my mood. Use humor to help improve your mood. Write a list of your favorite words and carry with you. If you need a quick relief from grief pull it out and read it 5.
I will help by praying you through this Christmas season. Please know someone cares and understands you. This will be my first Christmas without my husband. He died January 11 due to massive heart attack brought on by complications of diabetes. Our 3 adult children were with him all through the time he was admitted to hospital, January 6, till he passed.
I know this will be hard but we have working through it. November 13 is his birthday. I think this is among the most significant info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But should remark on few general things, The website style is wonderful, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers. We lost our son January 31, and he was sixteen years old.
He had a smile that would light up a room. I did many of the things on your list and we made it through Christmas. But he is with God now and that was his plan. I will see him again and I will always have him in my heart. I lost a brother through a massive stroke just before Christmas He was only At his funeral, the minister said something which I will never forget and which helped me to cope.
To me, that means to respect his karma. We need to do that for the living as well. If we know someone whose lifestyle is harming them, we can point out what could be the result of their choice, but if they continue, then, in my opinion, we have to respect their choice and not persevere in trying to change their karma, which could thereby negatively affect our own.
Above all, I wish you all peace. I lost my only daughter, Shea in August of , she was Nothing gets easier or less painful, actually just the opposite. Anything I get from you I read it, sometimes over and over. Holidays suck! I know, I ramble, I miss her terribly, I will give your list a try and do my best to stay positive. Please keep anything you have coming, I look forward to it.
Most people…. I stay away from those people and stick with others who understand the experience. I lost my husband of 10 years on July 15, It was a second marriage for both of us and we felt that we knew each other for a long long time. As if everything was in place for us to be together to enjoy our lives. My husband was We were so very very happy. We enjoyed the same things and looked at life the same way. We had such plans to enjoy our upcoming retirement back home where he was raised.
I feel as if there is nothing left for me. The holidays mean nothing. All I want to do is cry.
I miss him with all my heart and soul. I feel like an outsider looking in no matter what I do or where I am. Thanks for the suggestions. All I can say is I will try. Before my mother died in February of this year, I spoke to her about leaving me ways of knowing she was still with me. I asked her to leave flower petals or leaves in the house and I would know she was there and with me always. It brings us all comfort to find those leaves and we are collecting them everyday.
Thank you for this it has changed my thinking and dragged me into a better more positive change of mind. I am volunteering over the Christmas period at the hospice, having a Christmas pudding with brandy sauce, I have bought a ring that my late husband would have loved me to have, I shall raise a glass of gin and tonic his favourite drink in his honour, and have decided to buy a living Christmas tree decorate it and then plant it in his memory in the garden where he would see it from his favourite chair.
Bless you. This is great! I lost my son Andy in , he was Each year gets harder, with last being the worst yet. We do several things on the list and will try some more this year:. I have never been the same since my mom passed away in May of She has been gone 4and a half years now and I still cry everyday. Mary, if the grief is so hard after 4 years you may be experiencing something called Complicated Grief. Please Google it, there is help for you to feel better. I wish you all the best. Mary, I fully understand your situation and grief.
We grieve and cry for our loved ones, mothers, because we love them and formed a strong and positive core bond with them The loss of family love is grief.
After a Death, an Extreme Form of Grieving - The New York Times
I posted, 2x, comments to anonymous, but consider the second one for you. I will pray for all of us grieving over the loss of family members. I just found your site and thanks for the suggestion. We lost our only daughter 10 years, December 23rd. She was only seventeen when she died…it was heartbreaking. Your grief will be a part of you for a very long time. Yes, your heart is broken. But give yourself permission to live again.
Go outside and enjoy anything that gives you pleasure…the blue sky, the falling leaves, the grass, anything…find comfort in anything that will allow your heart and your mind to enjoy again.
- Coping with Grief and Loss;
- When Children Die: Improving Palliative and End-of-Life Care for Children and Their Families.!
- How to Learn Series: Accelerated Learning for Entrepreneurs: How to learn faster: speed reading, memory techniques, and other accelerated learning techniques to improve your learning skills;
- 5 Steps For Surviving The Agony Of Grief | HuffPost Life;
- After a Death, the Pain That Doesn’t Go Away!
- Grief - Wikipedia.
It will take time, but it will get better. Will your heart heal completely, I doubt it. But you can live a productive and loving life again…if you only give it a chance. But I have decided to put grief in its proper perspective and I have decided that I want to live. I will live a life and I will give myself permission to love my family, to love my life and to love the memories of my precious girl. I miss her so…and yes, there are days, even after ten years, that are filled with tears. This Christmas season give yourself the best gift you can give yourself, and that is to live a life that would bless your departed loved one.
Give yourself a life of love, forgives, happiness and peace. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all.
I found comfort in your inspiring words. He sends me messages and I believe yours was one of them. Thank you,. Thank you so much for sharing. I am searching for ways to support my boyfriend this holiday season. His son took his life last February and it is devastating to him. I know the holidays will be especially difficult for him and his other children.
He feels like he is just existing from day to day and can no longer find joy in life; only brief moments of happiness here and there. And when he does have those moments of happiness, the guilt sinks in. I miss the vibrant, fun loving and charismatic man I fell in love with. I want to be sympathetic to his pain but also want to encourage him to move forward so that he can enjoy life.
It is such a fine line for me to walk. If you have any suggestions on how I can support him through these coming months, I would love to hear them. I love this man dearly…with all my heart. I want us all to live a full life again and have hope for a happy future together. My 29 year old son battled bipolar disorder for nine years and I attended support groups for persons who love someone with mental illness and to learn coping skills for themselves while supporting their loved one.
My son died from sudden cardiac arrest on September 4th this year, and I have a lot of anger at God for taking my son when his life was going fairly well after all the struggles these past nine years. I am in grief counseling through a resource, and, I am finding some relief each time I go. I am speaking with someone who has lost a child also, so she can understand my pain as a parent. May you all find some joy in the holidays.
We hosted Thanksgiving, as we always have, and it was hard, but we did have a peaceful day and being surrounded by family was a tremendous blessing. I am just posting my personal experience and how I am trying to find help for my grief. Thank you so much, Chris for sharing your experience. I am so so sorry for your loss.
I can relate to your anger toward God. This tragedy has damaged so many lives and I struggle to understand the purpose. I have been a believer my entire life. As such, I feel that I know who God is. I know he is loving, merciful, good, faithful, just, and generous. I have also come to realize that although I know God, I will never understand God.
The Bible tells us that his ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. He is God, and I am not. I hate suffering. I hate the damage that untimely death inflicts on those left behind. And I am exhausted by all of the heartache. I pray one day in heaven we will all finally understand exactly what it all was for. May God continue to bless you and may you continue to grow in your knowledge of him.
I lost my sister this June. Two days after my grandson was born.. She was so happy for me. I miss her so much. I was so list most of the summer. My boyfriend said I had to remember the good times and how my grandson was sunshine she brought me before she died. On the nite of her 3rd month since pasted I cried to my boyfriend Bob how much I missed her. The next day Bob call me and we made dinner plans.
What is grief?
As I went to his home things felt different. I went in and thought it was quite. Usually he greeted me. I went upstairs and found him on the floor. He was already gone. We talked of death the night before. I never got to tell him how much I loved him and how happy he made me. We were just starting to rebuild a life as we are older. It was memorial day weekend for my sister and Labor Day weekend for Bob. I am trying to be positive for Christmas with my new Grandson. Bob told me not to let death linger on and think of all the good times and never forget.
As I write this I know he is saying, live on through me and be strong. May there be peace and love through this holiday for all who are grieving.
And remember to cherish your memories. Happy Holidays,. Thank you for these suggestions. My husband died in April. Thanksgiving was numbing. Our anniversary is Christmas Eve. We were married for 33 years. It justifies my actions during Thanksgiving and will alleviate the guilt in staying in the comfort of my home this Christmas.
God bless you! Out of the Darkness walks assist in the healing. Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Showing your true feelings can help them and you. They may simply have other ways of showing it. Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.
You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are. While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life. Our grieving is as individual as our lives. Instead of a series of stages, we might also think of the grieving process as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows.
Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer. The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years after a loss, especially at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may still experience a strong sense of grief.
Shock and disbelief. Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
You may also feel guilty about certain feelings e. After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you.
You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you. A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone. We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including:. The pain of grief can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell.
But having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Comfort can also come from just being around others who care about you. The key is not to isolate yourself. Turn to friends and family members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. They may feel unsure about how to comfort you and end up saying or doing the wrong things.
Draw comfort from your faith. If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you—such as praying, meditating, or going to church—can offer solace. Join a support group. Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around.