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I tell her how you held my mouth shut with smelling salts. I agree.

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She then goes on to apologize on behalf of you. I will say to you now what I said to her then. I understand it was found very coincidentally. I blame you for not listening to me. I blame you for listening to absolutely everyone except the person you were treating. I blame you for doing the bare minimum and then patting yourself on the back. I blame you for noting problematic things in my chart and not looking further into them. I blame you for talking to me like a three year old and treating me like a waste of time. I blame you for not taking the time to make sure there was no stone left unturned.

I blame you for being rude to every single women I saw you interact with that night. And I mean EVERY women, from me, to my roommate, to the nurses who were pretty much the only positive interactions of the night. I blame you for being mysoginistic, sexist, and every other word in the book. I blame you for not being an advocate for me. You were the people I should have been able to trust the most and instead you are the ones I trust the least. I become terrified that the people who are supposed to be treating me wont believe me when I express concern.

I feel the need to tell them about that experience with you, and make it clear that I need to know they have my best interest at heart. You may be wondering why after almost a year later I am now addressing this issue publicly with you. Because I am not the only one with a story like this.

Dear Doctors, I Know My Body: An Open Letter to the Male, Medical Professionals Who Blew Me Off as…

A fellow survivor told me that she was brushed off as having a panic attack three times before she was finally taken seriously. Another was brushed off as having phantom pains when her appendix was actually leaking into her body. For months, I have told my story and listened to others, but it was always behind closed doors. Never publicly.

Subconciously I think I was protecting you. But why should I extend that courtesy for you when you did not extend the same for me? For months I have mulled over what damage you did to me. I have tried desperatly to heal from it. To not let it affect me every time I walk into a medical situation. But it has been hard. It was with me when I was misdiagnosed multiple times before finally, on the brink of death, I was diagnosed with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. It was with me when I went to the ER for abdominal pain and came out with an appointment to see an oncologist.

It was with me when I rode to the ER in an ambulance after my first chemo, begging my Dad not to leave me alone with the paramedics, and also two months later when I went again for a seizure like episode. It was even with me a few weeks ago when I went to the ER for what turned out to be a Pulmonary Embolism.

I want to take a moment to thank the ER Doctors who did take me seriously. Something is not right. Sometimes you misdiagnosed me, which sucks, but you did so AFTER doing everything you could think of, not before. You did not look at my age or sex and decide that I was not worth your time. You shut down anyone on your team who did begin to treat me that way.

I Love Being a Doctor, I Just Want To Do It Less

In your work, without even knowing it, you have slowly begun to restore my faith in medical professionals. I am forever grateful to each and everyone of you. It's everyone's biggest fear and it's omnipresent, since you're doing about a thousand tasks a day that could go wrong. You can't really afford to screw up, since it's often someone's life on the line, and between doctors, nurses, and pharmacists, there are lots of checks and balances in place — but inevitably, you will do something wrong at some point.

Often it's something pretty minor that doesn't affect a patient's livelihood, like giving a medication at the wrong time. But sometimes it is, like giving the wrong medication or overdosing a patient to the point that they have to go to the ICU. The important thing is to be honest when it happens and report it objectively, so corrective measures can be taken.

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You will learn from your mistake, and the incident will become so ingrained in your brain that you'll likely never, ever make it again. You need to be really good at working with other people. Being a doctor is not a one-woman show. You have to work as a team with other doctors, nurses, and support staff, particularly if you're working in a hospital. You can disagree with someone's treatment plan, and you can hate who they are as a person outside of work, but when you're at work, you need to be professional.

Learning how to get along with different personalities is a huge, and challenging, part of residency. You're going to learn just as much from your peers as you will senior physicians.

No doctor is good at everything. Some doctors are really good at finding diagnoses for strange sets of symptoms but suck at bedside manner. Other doctors are really personable with their patients but struggle with problem-solving. See which of your fellow doctors have the skills you lack, and pay attention.

You'll pick up lots of things along the way from doctors who inspire you. Being a doctor is a ton of paperwork. So much paperwork. A lot of medicine is simply documentation: if you don't write down that something happened, it's like it never happened. From giving someone a medication to completing a procedure, you have to honestly and objectively document every.

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That you did, both for the safety of the patient and for liability reasons. It's always going to be difficult when a patient dies. No matter how often it happens in your line of work, having a patient die will always be sad.

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When the patient was really, really sick, it feels like any other person — you find comfort in the fact that they're in a better place for not suffering so much anymore. For patients with terminal cancer, their families have often accepted it toward the end, which makes it a little easier. It's harder when it's a kid who died in a freak accident or something suddenly went very wrong; you feel like it's a huge loss of potential, someone who could have changed the world.

The whole department mourns the person. Doctors and nurses don't always get along. It's a problem more often with older nurses, who have been doing their jobs for many years, and young, new residents. The nurses feel like they know better, and the residents don't feel like they're getting any support. But really great relationships can and do form, particularly between the younger nurses and doctors. You're going to be in charge of other residents after just a year. A year is a long time to learn things when you're putting in hour workweeks, so you're better prepared than you think you are, but it is hard to find a balance between working together and delegating without being bossy.

It's like any job when go from being the lowest on the totem poll to getting one notch ahead; you have to learn how to take up that responsibility in a way that benefits you both. You need to be authoritative, but you also have to be humble enough to recognize when you don't know something and consult other doctors for help. Be prepared to move. It's hard to stay in one place for med school, residency, fellowship, and the jobs that come after.

It's easier if you're based in a big city like New York or Los Angeles, but understand that the best program for you and your specialty might take you to a completely different part of the country than your family and friends. You're not going to get rich.